Thursday, October 28, 2010

Child Soldiers

Children soldiers look so cute – let's give them lemonade,

As off they march with teddy bears and a hand grenade.

I bet it's fun to shoot at folk and hear their dying screams;

I bet these little darlings will have some interesting dreams.

Yemen, Chad, Sudan, and Congo, use their little ones

To carry ammunition and play with their Uzi guns.

And Uncle Sam cannot resist encouraging these crimes

By sending all those governments our nickels and our dimes.

The Judge

"BANG!" goes the gavel, and a thief is sent to jail.

"BANG!" goes the gavel, and a lawyer's heart does fail.

"BANG!" goes the gavel, and a deadbeat dad is stripped.

"BANG!" goes the gavel, and a wise guy now has flipped.

"BANG!" goes the gavel, an objection's overruled.

"BANG!" goes the gavel, and the jury's quickly schooled.

"WHANG!" goes the scythe, and now, no matter that he's brave,

"CLANG!" goes the casket, as the judge goes to his grave.

Black Friday

Do not let the turkey cook before you pauperize

Yourself for Xmas shopping ere a ghost or goblin flies!

The blackest of Black Fridays now must come in sere October,

Otherwise the retailers will have returns too sober –

and old Santa may find out before his sleigh is ready

that even he has been laid off cuz things are too unsteady!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Candy

I'm gonna eat some candy

And I'm gonna eat it now

And no one is gonna stop me –

Not my dentist, anyhow.

It's cheap and full of flavor

And it brings back memories

Of childhood indiscretions

In the Hershey Bar quarries.

With war and economics

All so muddled, so extreme –

Candy gives a hint of all

We've lost in ev'ry dream. 

 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Mideast Peace Talks Shaky

"MIDEAST PEACE TALKS SHAKY" is a headline just as old

As the story of King Midas and his touch of gold.

Both remind me that it's futile to think human nature

Is getting any better through the laws of legislature.

Cousins fighting over an inheritance don't quit

Just because some do-gooder invites them down to sit.

All that's gonna happen over there in Lebanon

Is they will pay lip service while they run their little con.

Jimmy Carter started throwing money at those guys,

Hoping this would make him look the Statesman -- mild and wise.

All I know for certain is that when those peace talk scholars

Are done with all their gabbing they will walk off with our dollars.

The Credit Score

Dear prospective manager,

Don't bother to look for

The Loch Ness Monster

or my last recorded credit score.

Both are beyond bound'ries

Where a sane man will not tread.

Both, if you should find them,

Would most surely knock you dead.

I have given ev'rything

That I have ever owned

Back unto the wretched bank,

Who once so quickly loaned

Me money for my mortgage

And my car and sundry stuff –

Yes, when they gave me credit

all the world was not enough!

Today I'm in a shelter

And my lunch is mac and cheese,

And I haven't got the income

Of a troupe of circus fleas.

A job would come in handy,

But I see by your demeanor

You'd rather see me out the door,

Much wiser and much leaner.

How I hope the people

Who are running Equifax

Eat a hearty meal

Of poison and old carpet tacks!