Fwd: timericks

Convenience stores pepper the land

like spinach is sprinkled with sand.

They're easy to rob

but you'll love the job

if you can make change while you stand.

Fwd: timerick

Bad habits are made to be broke.

The truth though tis hard must be spoke.

A promise once made

you must not let fade.

And Pepsi just loves to drink Coke.

 

Fwd: timerick

The Dollar coin's coming our way.

Old green paper George cannot stay.

Our legs will be bowed

from hefting the load.

Shout hernia doctors: "Hooray!"

Fwd: timerick

To love is to lose, poets sigh.

All romance must wither and die.

They cannot conceive

a God who would weave

a knot you can never untie.

timerick

Joe Conrad wrote of the South Sea

in language of the bourgeoisie.

His heroes were staid.

His heroines swayed.

His natives had no pedigree.

 

Arrangements

ARRANGEMENTS

 

For my eulogy please write

everything upon a kite.

Hold the string with all your might.

When it snaps yell "Outta sight!"

 

For my coffin try to nag

undertakers for a bag.

Label it with orange tag.

Toss it off some lofty crag.

 

Tell the grandkids their grandpa

should not now be held in awe.

Tell them of my every flaw

and that I could play the saw.

 

All the cash I've left on hand

use to go to Disneyland.

Come back looking fit and tanned.

Mourn me with a rubber band.

Showers

People take too many showers.

Think of those wet wasted hours!

I really don't know

what's wrong with BO

as long as the soul smells of flowers.

timerick

The jellyfish doesn't conform

to cuddly thoughts that are warm.

Just one careless clutch

will put you in touch

with something more like a bee swarm.

timerick

The body was not even cold

when everyone had to be told

that Anna Nicole

still had one more role --

as Corpse-of-the-Month she is gold.

timerick

I'm glad I am cured of the itch

to work myself hard to get rich.

Do you think Bill Gates

and all of his mates

grew wealthy from digging a ditch?

timerick

I'm sleeping the sleep of the just.

My worries have all turned to dust.

When out of the blue

my gut yells "Yoo-Hoo!"

and off to the bathroom I must.

timerick

A paperclip is so absurd

as icon for Microsoft Word.

The eyeballs do roll

without any soul.

It makes a true writer deterred.

timerick

In cyberspace nothing is blacker

than deeds of the secluded hacker.

Like the Almighty

he knows your ID.

Our cyber-shields are merely lacquer.

timerick

Iraq cheats us out of our dough

more than any carny sideshow.

Bush and his barkers

must be quite starkers

to think that their gaff we won't blow.

timerick

An astronaut, Lisa Marie,

is charged with assault, third degree.

Her rocketman flew

where it was taboo --

his co-pilot found a banshee.

timerick

The trouble with people who curse

is that they all love to converse.

They think verbal farts

display their best parts.

Oh, why can't they learn to be terse?

timerick

We know that the groundhog predicts

when winter is done with its tricks.

If only we knew

the same for the crew

that put us in this Iraq fix.

Fwd: timerick

Man not only leaves his disgrace

on earth but must put it in space.

The junk circling round

would surely confound

Copernicus and all his race.

timerick

Americans won't work a job

that treats them too much like a slob.

So processing plants

like old maiden aunts

take anything out of the mob.

timerick

All coffee to me tastes like mud.

As beverage it is a dud.

If I want a jolt

an electric volt

serves better to make my heart thud.