The Hanky

 

---

Growing up, I saw the hanky carried everywhere;

Put in a breast pocket, used in dusting off a chair.

Grandma kept one in her purse, quite dainty, edged in lace.

She cleaned her glasses with it and would pat down her damp face.

My mother ironed them at night to keep them crisp and neat.

They came in awful handy during summer's throbbing heat.

(and for blowing noses they could never have been beat.)

A box of them with monograms was just the thing for dad;

For Christmas or his birthday, they sure seemed to make him glad.

Now I find that handkerchiefs are relics of the past,

Shunned as unhygienic, they leave youngsters all aghast.

Most people carry tissues which are easy to dispose,

But tissues are not sturdy and cannot stand many blows.

I carry a bandanna and I do not give a rot

If there's some that call it a recipient of snot.

'Twas good enough for grandpa and it's good enough for me

And if you do not like it you can soak your head in tea.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

Tim Pawlenty

Minnesota has Pawlenty;

Odds for prez are one in twenty.

As governor he will not run;

The job no longer is much fun.

He's cut the budget, saved the state,

And now he wants a better fate

Than state-side politics can grant.

He wants to be the Presidant.

Republicans who catch this bug

Need therapy or good sound slug.

Pawlenty ought to stay at home

And polish up the local chrome.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

The New Yankee Stadium

In days of yore,

Despite the score,

We loved our dear old Yankees.

They'd sign their name

Before the game

On things like balls and hankies.

In their new digs

They are bigwigs;

We're fenced out from their presence.

To put it short

These kings of sport

Now treat us all like peasants.

Free autograph?

Don't make me laugh!

They're sold to highest bidder.

The team forgets

It has some debts

To orphan child and widder.

So fare-thee-well

(or go to hell)

Most noble Yankee sluggers.

A soccer game

May be quite lame –

But they are humble buggers.

---

Windows Live™ SkyDrive™: Get 25 GB of free online storage. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

GM

Like a Greeked-up tragedy

GM fell for all to see.

Mighty was its market share.

Muscle cars made people stare.

Factories throughout the land

Could not keep up with demand.

Lo, the well-trod buyer's track

To the land of Pontiac!

Working at a GM plant

Was a dream to make one pant;

Union benefits so large

They would not fit in a barge.

Proud and slothful they became;

Putting cars all on one frame.

'Til the wily Japanese

Cut them off below the knees.

And the pension plan became

Stacked up like casino game.

Wagoner, the CEO,

Couldn't see the rocks below;

Drove GM upon the shoals

Of his makeshift market goals.

Now he's gone, with all the rest –

Left are those who beat their breast

As the shrunken giant moans,

Weary in its joints and bones,

Crashing down in bitter shock

(glad I never bought their stock).

How it ends, the Greeks may know. 

Obama cries:  Look out below!

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Packing

 

---

The reason I hate travel is because I really lack
ability to organize my suitcase when I pack.
The shampoo always opens and nobody seems to know
why my socks are single -- where the other one could go.
My pants become so ruffled they would make a washboard grin;
my shirts have now got creases that run clear up to my chin.
I packed my comb and toothbrush, with a box of kleenex, too;
they manage to combine as if they bathed in Elmer's glue.
Those zippered little pouches that stick out so very bold
must be for ostentation -- there is nothing they can hold.
The handle comes unraveled and the locks refuse to budge,
and since I'm with some strangers I will only holler "Fudge!"
I always travel lightly but my suitcase weighs a ton;
travel may be broadening but it sure isn't fun.
Not when every time I pack I seem to half-destroy
most of my possessions as hydraulics I employ.
Next time I am tempted some exotic place to go,
I'll settle for an armchair and a book by Paul Theroux.

---

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

Donuts

 

---

Whether baked or fried or froze,
donuts keep me on my toes.
Fix 'em any way you want,
my daydreams they always haunt.
On a diet, or safari
in the wastes of Kalahari,
donuts play a vital role --
and be damned with self control!
Frosted, sprinkled or just plain,
eating them is such pure gain.
The secret to success, I hear,
is keeping half a dozen near;
so when the night is black as pitch
and all your dreams are in the ditch,
reach out for a soothing cruller --
you'll feel like a Rockefuller!

---

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

---

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

The Garbage Man

 

---

The garbage man of long ago has morphed before my eyes
into a Sanitation Engineer of moral size.
Where formerly I'd stuff a bag with all sorts of refuse,
I now must segregate egg shells from worn out tennis shoes.
Otherwise the garbage man -- I mean the Engineer! --
will have me drawn and quartered while his men look on and cheer.
O Potentate of Garbage, O High Priest of Heaps of Trash --
you used to be my servant but now you do hold the lash.
Spare me if I mix up plastic cups with orange peels . . .
and I will bring you sherbet and delightful fruit pastilles.
 

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

Sunday Thoughts from Tim T

 

---

I guess I must be barren ground, wherein the seed all sown,
begins to sprout but then is checked by weed and drought and stone.
The weeds that strangle me the most, that make me use bad words,
are politicians who do think that honor's for the birds.
The dearth of common sense and trust in our society
has hardened up my heart so that I lack most charity.
I stumble on the stones of doubt, my faith evaporates,
when I compare my puny wage to other's income rates.
As servant I am overpaid and will not be surprised
to have the Boss eventually tell me I've been downsized.
 
******************************************
 
There are no clocks in Heaven.
However, deep in Hell,
the devil keeps to schedule
by clanging on a bell.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

Click it or ticket

 

---

"Click it or ticket" the State Troopers say,
lurking along every lane of highway,
waiting for fools who must sure disobey,
heedless as sin on Memorial Day;
then when they catch you they will make you pay.
Don't bother to beg or to kneel down and pray.
Their only delight is to tell people: Nay.
Their duty is clear -- every trip they delay.
Go tell them to "stick it" if you want to play;
I hear that in jail you get soup on a tray.
 

---

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

The Killing Fields

Hitler killed his millions
and Stalin millions more;
Mao was not a slacker;
he evened up the score.
The killing fields still blooming
in Africa attest
that murder is the subject
that mankind loves the best.
There's genocide, abortion,
and gang warfare as well;
drug lords and fell terrorists
make life a deadly hell.
The innocent are slaughtered,
and have been from the first
to satisfy some tyrant's
insane, unholy thirst.
Religion, too, has played a part
in blood spilled on the earth.
Causing that old devil-man
to writhe in antic mirth.
So crimson flows Afghanistan
as we increase the tide;
the hands that craft our policy
will have much gore to hide.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

Spring Bling

 

---

The lilacs bloom but I don't care;
I have to buy new underwear.
My clothing is in sad estate;
it smells a bit like old fish bait.
My socks and slacks and shirts decay;
'most everything is thin and gray.
My shoes are cracked, my cuffs are frayed,
my ties with stale food all are sprayed.
Springtime means I must resume
dressing like a wedding groom;
slacks with creases, shirts with collars
that announce I've spent some dollars;
leather belt, which gossip monger
says has grown a few feet longer;
something light in blue seersucker,
made of cotton thread and pucker.
I'd as lief just wear a toga
or, buck-naked, practice yoga --
a nudist's wardrobe just might be
the next step in economy.
Never mind the moral quandary . . .
I'd save money doing laundry!

---

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

My Dogs

 


I don't know why my feet are sore.
My metatarsals are at war.
My fallen arches still descend.
All orthopedics are pretend.
My toes, they crack like rifle shot.
My feet are either cold or hot.
I buy good shoes and wear clean socks.
I take my feet on daily walks.
But still my dogs are barking loud.
They swell up like they're mighty proud.
Each night I soak them; my heart sings
for the great day when I grow wings!
 

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Sweet Tooth

 

---

You may say that I am daffy
but the smell of Turkish taffy
makes me think the Nobel Prize
ought to go to other guys;
we need to give a golden watch
to those who gave use butterscotch.
And why are we so deaf & dumb
when it comes to our bubblegum?
No childhood ever was complete
without those popping orbs so sweet.
The jawbreaker deserves award
for keeping kids from getting bored.
The marshmallow and jelly bean,
the sourball with yellow sheen;
whoever brought these things to light
deserves a medal burnished bright.
No honor is too great -- forsooth!
for those who expand our sweet tooth.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Dandelion

 

---

When I see you, dandelion,
I just want to bust out cryin'.
Oh yellow menace on my lawn,
how you multiply and spawn!
I dig you out with hoe and pick,
yet you return at double-quick.
You drink up poison like fine wine;
the more I spray the more you shine.
I can almost hear you chortle:
"We are certainly immortal!"
The neighbors grumble at my sloth;
they gnash their teeth, begin to froth.
Their lawns contain no saffron spots;
I hope they choke on tater tots.
I give up -- don't care a splinter . . .
Just you wait until it's winter!

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Resume

 

---

Each and every jobless day
I send out my resume;
emailed to a stranger, I
wonder if it's worth a try.
Maybe if I made it quack
I just might hear something back;
have it sung by Britney Spears
or include the sitcom "Cheers".
Were I trying really hard
I'd include my credit card.
But HR's are so blase,
they'd ignore mine anyway.
Resumes are like the flu:
Shunned and kept well out of view.

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Hungry Child

Hungry child upon the bed
no one cares if you are fed;
your mom is drunk, your daddy's dead;
your room is painted all in lead;
so chew a chip instead of bread.
Sickly child, why do you cry?
The doctor is not coming by;
no health care for such poor small fry;
behave yourself and those tears dry;
Santa don't come in July.
Stupid child, you cannot read;
your hair is tousled like a weed;
insects in it likely breed;
television is your creed;
scratch yourself until you bleed.
Homeless child upon the street
where'd you get such dirty feet?
Never mind the cold or heat;
lower eyes or you'll be beat;
taking drugs is pretty neat.
Angry child you cannot run
far from hatred's rising sun;
deadness soon will seem like fun;
when your life has come undone,
find yourself a little gun.
 

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Books

 

---

The bookstore casts a thorough spell,
one I don't resist too well.
My budget very far from spry,
I vow no more good books I'll buy.
But like a drunkard at the bar,
I'll ne'er admit I've gone too far.
And so great stacks of books recline
against my walls like tropic vine,
damaging the joints and studs --
to me, no books are ever duds.
Whether old or modern tomes,
Stephen King or Sherlock Holmes,
illustrated or quite plain,
giving solace, causing pain,
puzzling or crystal clear,
inexpensive, very dear --
all are welcomed, read and stored
on rough shelves of splintered board.
Someday around my ears they'll bring
a deadly crush -- but where's the sting?
Entombed by books, my shroud a page
of something droll -- most blessed cage!
in which to wait the end of days;
the angels I shall all amaze
with learning, wit, and savoir faire,
as I fly up into the air.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

Computers

 

---

I hit delete instead of save.
My mouse has rolled off to a cave.
My surge protector came unplugged.
I think my screen saver is bugged.
My email has all turned to spam
and something smells like burning ham.
My error messages agree
computers have it in for me.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

Is It Free?

 

---

"Is It Free?"  (with apologies to William Butler Yeats' The Lake Isle of Innisfree.)
 
 
I will arise and go now, and go ask: "Is it free?"
Can I have a cabin and nine bean rows and the honey bee?
And I shall have some cash there, for it comes dropping slow,
dropping from the veils of morning, from where the bankers go.
There midnight's all aglimmer and the Treasury's working late
delivering green on linnet's wings while prices escalate.
I will arise and go now, for always "Is it free?"
is like lake water lapping, a stifling monotony.
I hear it in the deep heart's core, and pavements with mortgages run
and if I can't have the nine bean rows I want a hot cross bun!

---

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

---

Hotmail® has ever-growing storage! Don't worry about storage limits. Check it out.

Yogurt

 

---

You may flavor it with peaches, you may sweeten it as well
but yogurt ain't a foodstuff makes my appetite to swell.
You can swirl it and add vitamins or lots of cultured germs;
still, I'd rather sit down to a bowl of raw and dirty worms.
Everyone must eat it to lose weight -- or as dessert,
keeping their immune systems forever on alert.
If you're going to fool with milk and try to make it better,
what is wrong with pepper jack and slices of sharp cheddar?
Cheese is what milk may become when it has been inspired;
yogurt is just milk that's old and ought to be retired.

---

Hotmail® has a new way to see what's up with your friends. Check it out.

---

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.