timerick

I may watch the Super Bowl, lads.

But not for the players in pads.

That knocking about

just gives me the gout.

I tune in for all the great ads.

timerick

Now every bag left all alone

is figured a bomb to be blown.

The shopper who drops

a sack has the cops

on them like Sylvester Stallone.

timerick

Now Huckabee's running for Prez.

What's next -- a Shrine clown in a fez?

There should be a law

that from Arkansas

we only want heads that are Pez.

Healthcare

Since children do not have the vote
why should they get healthcare by rote?
They mostly survive
if not really thrive.
We don't need more taxes to tote.
 
 

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Waterboarding

Waterboarding is a sport
that makes liberals all snort.
If applied to bleeding hearts
maybe they will get some smarts;
realize that omlettes come
only when you break a thumb.
Fire must be fought with flame.
Home-grown torture is no shame.
 

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timerick

Congressional medals it seems
are wrecking Red China's grand dreams
of keeping Tibet
as their household pet
no matter the volume of screams.
 
 

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timerick

Fie on you, President Putin.
Blustering of missiles shootin'.
We'd like to throw out
your grim Slavic pout.
You sure deserve a good bootin'.
 

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timerick

They say women's lipstick has lead
which certainly fills men with dread
because in the clinch
it sure is a cinch
that one kiss could knock him quite dead.
 

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timerick

Al Gore has more lives than a cat.
You can't keep him down when he's flat.
The warmer the Earth
the less cause for mirth
at thinking he'll throw in his hat.
 
 

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Which?

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Take my advice . . . please!

Never go to bed with your shoes on.
 
If at first you DO succeed don't brag about it.
 
Clean your plate and you'll still have to wash it.
 
A silent woman has something on her mind; a silent man is just glad to be alive.
 
Insight comes C.O.D.
 
Flatter your boss for quick prmotion; your spouse for quick suspicion.
 
Spite stays busier than goodwill.
 
Take time to smell the garbage and you're watching too much TV
 
Don't bother to aim high; aim true.
 
Money lets you dream.  Work let's you live.
 
Listen to your heart unless you have a lot of money.
 
An enemy is just a friend you haven't killed yet.
 
God doesn't count calories.
 
Your life is like your laundry; nobody wants to do it for you.
 
If you have to ask how much something costs you don't have enough credit cards.
 
Your children will teach you more than your parents.
 
Stupidity is a franchise.
 
There are two kinds of people in the world -- when you find out what they are let me know.

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Princess Di

We do not much recognize
the winner of each Nobel Prize.
But identify
with ease Princess Di
and all of her lover-boy guys.
 

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Crandon

We do not need troops in Iraq
to save us from terror attack.
Put them in Crandon
till we abandon
our own massacres back to back.
 

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Marion Jones

If Marion Jones would get smart
she'd say steroid use is an art
requiring poise
to win those gold toys
and start her own brand at Walmart.
 
 

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Senator Craig

And then there is Senator Craig
who's cursed with a wandering leg.
He says he will plead
according to creed
by keeping his story quite vague.
 

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Oreck

Consider the vacuums of Oreck.
The promises made are euphoric.
It leaves not a hint
of dirt fuzz or lint
and dust becomes something historic.
 
 

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Blackwater

The Blackwater managers claim
they shoot, not to kill, but to maim.
Their training includes
ignoring all feuds.
They treat every corpse just the same.
 
 

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The Hobby

A hobby is something you get
in place of an annoying pet.
You might collect stamps
or photograph tramps.
Don't tell me about it just yet.
 
 

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Tainted

Now hamburger proves to be tainted.
Our FDA's no longer sainted.
Those government hacks
are totally lax --
with E. Colli they're unacquainted.
 

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timerick

 
Now hamburger proves to be tainted.
Our FDA's no longer sainted.
Those government hacks
are totally lax --
with E. Colli they're unacquainted.
 

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