Fwd: timerick

All kids should be seen but not heard

was known fifty years back as WORD.

Such silence was thought

to show you're well-taught.

That's when I learned flipping the bird.

 

 

Fwd: timerick

The people who work at Walmart

are neither too dumb nor too smart.

Their wages may be

a sure poverty

but layoffs do not play a part.

 

************************************

 

Uncle Sam loses a crony

in the departure of Tony.

Now some other chap

may not take our crap;

leaving us Yanks our baloney.

 

Fwd: timerick

The Democrats gaily predict
in winning Iraq we are licked.
Well, they ought to know.
They started the show
when Kennedy Vietnam picked.

Fwd: timerick

I look out my window and see

a plastic bag waving at me.

From fence post and shrub

to Olde English pub

it shrouds us in ghostly debris.

 

Fwd: timerick

The mind of a man can contain

only so much joy and pain.

And that's why the heart

will have the best part

when Christ comes to rule and to reign.

 

Fwd: timerick

The workaday world has to wait

while blithely I procrastinate.

In fact I shall cease

from writing this piece . . . .

Fwd: timerick

A Baldwin named Alec was mean

into his kid's answer machine.

The upshot is great

for the Fourth Estate

who treat it like MAD Magazine

 

**************************

 

At Denny's the service is slow.

The food, when you get it, is no

treat for the taste buds.

It all tastes of spuds.

The napkins do more flavor show.

Fwd: timerick

The right to bear arms we adore

while bodies pile up on the floor.

We do not care why

so many must die

as long as we have our gun store.

 

Fwd: Timerick and the Crab Legs

It happened in Bakersfield, California; but if you quote me I'll deny it.

Dinnertime found me tucked into my Econo Lodge room, all my reports filed, my laundry freshly done and folded in Bristol fashion, and my stomach agreeably anticipating a solid meal.  Expense would be no object; I was prepared to blow as much as twelve bucks.  Down the street stood an imposing Chinese restaurant with red tiles on the roof and gigantic brass door handles obviously filched from Castle Frankenstein.  Inside, the dim lighting revealed teakwood panels depicting various fat Mandarins and Buddhas reposing on silk pillows while coy maidens danced demurely around them.  The waiters all had red vests.  In other words, a classy joint.

   I chose the buffet, with a lemonade apertif.  The steaming aluminum carts sparkled with seafood.   I would not stint.  After a cup of hot and sour soup I sauntered up to the crab legs and took a round dozen on my plate.

    Now the comedy, or, rather, tragedy, began.

    Gentle reader, please remember that as a child of the Midwest I experienced nothing more saltwater than fishsticks on Fridays.  Then, druing the hectic and threadbare years of marriage & child-rearing there was not a kopeck to spare for anything Atlantic or Pacific from the supermarket freezer.  Besides, the kids hated fish as if it were homework.  So I am not what you might call skilled in the ways of seafood.  I can dig into a red snapper with relish or savor the latex qualities of calumari, but, sad to say, the crab legs were beyond me.

   I seemed to recall that you sucked the meat out of crab legs, like marrow out of a bone.  So I began to suck.  And suck.  And suck.  The drawn butter had grown cold and congealed while I made like a human vacuum cleaner.  Obviously, this was not how you got the meat out of crab legs.  I glanced covertly around me to see if anyone else was eating them, for a clue or hint on how to proceed.  But everyone else was tucking into the pot stickers and Kung Pao chicken.  Next I tried cracking the legs open with my teeth, but the spines discouraged such outre behaviour.  But hunger is the mother of invention.  I broke those crab legs in half and then stuck a chop stick up 'em to dig out the meat.  No go. I blew into a halved crab leg, somewhat like Dizzy Gillespie on the horn, to see if I could force the meat out.  Nope.  Perhaps it was my imagination, but by this time I thought I could hear barely muffled snickers from my fellow gourmands.  I thought my luck had changed when I glanced over at a stout man with piggish little eyes who was holding up a crab leg; he would surely show me how it was done.  But no, I was simply gazing at my own reflection in one of the many mirrors that laced the walls.

    Finally one of the red-vested waiters took pity on me.  Gliding silently by, he laid a nutcracker on my table. Aha!  So that's how it's done.  I grappled no longer, but took up my sturdy instrument and began to massacre those accursed crab legs.  Alas . . . the result was disappointing -- to say the least.  Nothing was in those crab legs but some milky liquid and a flyspeck of meat -- not enough to fill a thimble.  Hands slimey, brow furrowed, stomach unappeased -- I threw in the towel, after wiping my chin on it. Humbly I shambled back to the buffet for fried rice and crab rangoon.

     Now you know the ugly truth -- about crab legs.  They belong to that food group I call airfeed.  This group includes artichokes and bar-b-que ribs.  I have worked up a sweat peeling artichokes to no purpose and have chewed on ketchup and gristle masquerading as bbq ribs until my teeth squeaked.  To all these insubstantial frauds I say BAH!  The next time I want seafood I'll get a can of sardines or some pickled herring.  And I won't pay anything like twelve bucks for it, either. 

    

---

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Fwd: timerick

From gasoline to the French maid

today everything is prepaid.

They're more elastic

if you've got plastic --

especially so the French maid.

Fwd: timerick

No matter how fine they may grind

the wheels of our justice aren't kind

when turned by a kook

on white boys at Duke.

The system is not color-blind.

 

Fwd: timerick

The reign of Don Imus is oe'er?

The man is a bigotty bore

but that doesn't mean

he'll never be seen --

cuz that's what Shock Radio's for.

 

 

Fwd: timerick

Nutritional supplements claim

to cure all the blind and the lame.

This healing exceeds

all Biblical deeds

and puts every doctor to shame.

 

 

Fwd: timerick

Obama and Hillary tied

on breaking the bank open wide.

The source of their wealth

is cloaked in great stealth:

A dollar for each time they lied?

 

 

Fwd: timerick

Walt Disney has nothing on  me
when it comes to grand fantasy.
My tax return must
have more fairy dust
than Tinkerbell's whole family.

Fwd: timerick

Now one of the campaigning schticks

you must have is a crucifix.

Nobody breathin'

votes for a heathen.

We'd rather have true Christian tricks.

 

Fwd: timerick

Fat people watching their weight.

Rich people pulling their freight.

Dumb people on scholarships.

Poor people leaving big tips.

Ugly girls curling their hair.

Babies in clean underwear.

Everyone wishing to hope

no noose at end of the rope.

 

Fwd: timerick

When young, I was told the Chinese

had nothing to eat but dried peas

so I'd better snarf

what looked like green barf

or something produced by a sneeze.

Fwd: timerick

Monogamy in the Old Test.

was not thought of as for the best.

The wed patriarch

would go out to spark

with something we'll call holy zest.

Fwd: timerick

Iran is just spoiling to fight

most all of the West's combined might.

Iraq, they suppose,

has bloodied our nose --

our bark is now worse than our bite.

Fwd: timerick

Sexual orientation

means in unpolished translation

if you love a sheep

then go on and bleep

without any fear of damnation.

Fwd: Timerick and the Huckabee

Pro-Lifers will never get in

the White House -- that pit of dark sin.

Now if the unborn

could toot their own horn

then Huckabee surely would win.

 

Heavy fog this morning melted into a dismal grey drizzle this afternoon here in northwest Iowa.  But the sun made a guest appearance around 5pm, just as I pulled out of Sheldon on my way to Alton, to hear presidential candidate Mike Huckabee.  In fact, the sun broke through the clouds in the generous midwestern sky with striking beauty, laying bare the wet fertile fields.  It was good to be out and about; it was good to be going to a political campaign; and surely it was good that Huckabee had been a Baptist minister before he became Governor of Arkansas.  Prior to his appearance at the Sioux Country Club (where John McCain had preached to the choir just a week before) a 12-year-old girl played patriotic and gospel selections on her violin as the crowd stood in line for corn chowder and brownies.  To this intrepid reporter

 the chowder was a watery disapointment.  The brownies, however, were obviously the work of a good farmer's wife --chock-a-block with creamy marshmallows and mint-chocolate chips.  I could have eaten a round dozen of 'em, but showed great restraint by only gobbling six.

     Huckabee had had a busy day shaking babies and kissing hands prior to showing up in Alton, but he appeared bouncy as a new kitten as he began his sermon.  I don't know if it's something in the water around here or what, but political candidates, even if they were not gospel ministers in a previous life, can't help getting that evangelical glint in their eyes and that evangelical catch in their throats as they address a congregation of dyed-in-the-wool Republicans about immigration, taxes and (would somebody give me an Amen!) abortion.  I expected someone to start passing the plate and fished in my pocket for some spare change or at least a collar button.

    Actually I missed the first fifteen minutes of his address, since I was closeted with a fellow journalist -- a guy named Michael Finnigan from the Los Angeles Times who had been sent out on special assignment to cover Huckabee for two days.  Gullible soul; he introduced himself to me and when I told him I had been a circus clown (among other things) before becoming a radio newscaster he was all agog and wanted some background for possible use in his story on Huckabee.  I filled him full of windy tales of my fabled encounters with Michu the World's Smallest Man and the secret to how all those clowns could fit in such a teeny tiny little car.  I would have gone on to intimate I had taught Emmett Kelly everything he knew but we both decided to catch the Huckabee finale. 

     Huckabee spoke at great length and with great feeling about his nine previous trips to Israel. His subject and tone reminded me of a General Conference address and I couldn't help glancing around to see where they had stowed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

     Now I mean no disrespect to Huckabee in person, but I am always irked when a parson starts talking about the poor and the disenfranchised and what he wants to do for them.  And I can't help remembering that the Saviour spoke to both the rich and the poor; and generally when he spoke to the rich it was to tickle their ears with reproof.  So I wondered if and when Huckabee had last spoken to a homeless person or at a half-way house for addicts, and what he might have said in such a place to such people.  What I saw was a man speaking to the comfortable caddy and sportcoat crowd, the people who voted, telling them in polished, pleasing words what a good choice for President he would be because he did care so much for the poor and the down-trodden and those aborted fetuses.

    I guess I'm waiting for a candidate who campaigns among those who don't know how to vote or can't vote -- that's the guy I'll put my money on.  It's gonna be a long, long wait . . .

Fwd: timerick

Nutritionists are all agreed

that fiber is our greatest need.

But when I eat bran

I feel like rattan

in my gut wants to secede.

Fwd: timerick

SCREEN PLAY

 

Start with sex.

Then a murder.

Take the sex

a little furder.

Use a sunset.

Lonely figure.

Close-up now.

Make it bigger.

On a beach

set explosion.

Lots of rain.

Some erosion.

Must have dog

and some kids.

Parents weird.

Flip their lids.

Courtroom scene.

Judge has sex

while the jury

cranes their necks.

Start the gunplay.

Kids in danger.

Big name star

as the Stranger.

Lots of beer.

Snort some coke.

But no one

allowed to smoke.

Funny priest,

stupid cop

make mad love

in bookshop.

Therapist

sits them down.

Has bad breath.

Hair like mop.

Bad guy falls

over cliff.

Dog breaks leg.

All do sniff.

Final scene

in slo mo.

Popcorn gone.

Time to go.

Fwd: timerick

The best things in life may be free

but that isn't E-Harmony.

If you want a match

come up with the scratch

or sleep alone eternally.

 

Fwd: timerick

BY ONE WHO KNOWS

 

 

The gold in old Peru

The Spanish all withdrew.

The jade so well-adored

That surly dragons hoard.

Ovations by the ton

That actors never shun.

The light of shining grace

That acolytes embrace.

Are merely bric-a-brac

To the insomniac.

The treasure he would reap?

Unmedicated sleep.

Fwd: timerick

When Lazarus came out the grave

there was one thing he ne'er forgave.

It was that he could never be

spared a lurid eulogy.

 

 

Fwd: Timerick

AN AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY

 

I took a little cliche

and blew it up until

its very presence made folk

look out their window sill.

 

I stuffed it full of nonsense

from textbooks long disused.

A price tag I did give it

that millionaires refused.

 

In stores I would not sell it

nor go from door to door.

I said it was a secret

and then said nothing more.

 

Jay Leno soon did knock it

one night upon TV.

The crowds, they came a-swarming

like waves upon the sea.

 

The experts cried eureka

as well they bloody should.

I paid them off in greenbacks

not nickles made of wood.

 

Now I am rich and famous.

My cliche sacrosanct.

I'm leaving just for Switzerland;

my money there is banked.

 

 

Fwd: timerick

The corndogs will bloom any day

and popsicles nest in the hay.

The lemonade soon

will creek beds festoon

while sno-cones release their bouquet.

Fwd: Timerick and John McCain

On the off chance that John McCain becomes the next president, yours truly thought it important to jot down a few notes & thoughts on a town hall meeting the man held this evening over in Alton, Iowa, at the Sioux Golf & Country Club.  I got off work early to go cover it,and got a free bowl of chili and a big wedge of cornbread, so who's complaining?

     The media were out in force, of course, mostly young and blonde with cell phones glued to their perfectly coiffed hair do's.  But this being Iowa they were talking to their mothers about the potroast on Sunday and not negotiating a hostage deal or bantering with their sexy boyfriends.

   McCain carries a full cadre of dark-suited lock-stepping young men and women to handle the crowds and media.  Since you can't go ten seconds in a McCain rally without hearing about his extensive Navy experience I expected him to arrive on a battle ship and be piped aboard by the bosun, dressed in an admirals uniform.  In fact, his campaign bio is titled: A SON OF THE NAVY.  When I read that the shade of W.C. Fields rose up next to me muttering "Ah yes, of dubious parentage . . . "

    They dumped us media lepers way in the back on those wretched metal folding chairs that are the bane of my existence.  I develop incipient scoliosis everytime I sit on one for more than ten minutes.

      Himself spoke briefly and then took questions from the audience.  Most of the questions were rambling, incoherent and so devoid of grammar as to defy a Daniel Webster from understanding them.  In fact, most weren't even questions, just meandering statements from elderly goops hopped up on prune juice.  No one under sixty was allowed to frame a question, so it all had to do with Social Security and those damn illegal aliens that are stealing our jobs and raping our daughters.  Miraculously McCain listened courteously,then pretended he had just heard a profound question worthy of Maimonides (go look that one up on Wikipedia -- I had to for the right spelling).

     Now folks, an old and wise clown named Prince Paul once told me -- he who toots his own horn shall be tooted.  Nevertheless and be that as it may, I have to say that during the media session afterwards I had the best question of the night.  McCain is a Reaganesque spinner of stories.  So I asked him why Republicans are better story tellers than Democrats.  He chuckled deeply at my whimsical yet pithy question, then talked about the war in Iraq.

    Say goodnight Gracie . . . 

    

---

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Fwd: timerick

There's always some kind of disease

that doesn't get even a sneeze

from media folk

who won't even joke

about it unless it's got sleaze.

 

Fwd: timerick

I'll never write a love poem.

Such superfluous drag

is meant for babes and humbugs

who think it's all a gag.

 

I'll never cry for beauty.

Why should I beat my breast

over something so unsure

that nobody can test?

 

I'll never grow religious

the way some people do.

Telling others where to go

while sitting in a pew.

 

I'll never write a love poem.

No beauty hustles me.

No creed can set my limits.

It's lonely being free.

Fwd: timerick

Gonzales is gonna go south.

The A.G. has got a big mouth.

Admitting mistakes

were made by his flakes --

he's dead meat without any douth.

 

 

(Alright, YOU find something to rhyme with mouth & south!)

 

http://www.maps-of-mexico.com/photos/aguascalientes/aguascalientes/aguascalientes-picture-of-mexico-1-catedral.jpg

Fwd: timerick

Old Noah took into the ark

the rabbit and lizard and lark.

But how he did mourn

that the unicorn

was told to swim next to the shark.

 

Fwd: timerick

For centuries salt was adored,

protected by speech and by sword.

But sodium now

is no sacred cow.

We heave it like mad overboard.

Fwd: timerick

A soldier sent to Walter Reed

must have boundless courage indeed.

The bedpans stay full

and you need some pull

to get a clean corner to bleed.

 

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Fwd: timerick

The Simpsons are over the hill.

Their humor is turning quite shrill.

The son of a guns

are doing reruns,

imposing upon our goodwill.

Fwd: timerick

The elderly have their own lingo

like "early bird special" and "bingo".

Or keep yourself 'spruce'

by swigging prune juice

while setting up some pink flamingo.

Fwd: timerick

Revenge need not stir up your gall.

Stand back and watch enemies fall.

The hated one will

take their fated spill

for life makes a fool of us all.

 

Fwd: timerick

In Eden the animals heard

their names from old Adam assurred.

But Eve felt left out

and so there's no doubt

today she must have the last word.

Fwd: timerick

The Bible and Shakespeare are dead.

The only thing people have read

for twenty years past

are records amassed

by Guiness World Records instead.

The Man Who Wasn't There

THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE

 

There was a man

who ran away

when nobody pursued.

 

He chased himself

out of all love

to live in solitude.

 

His family knew

of him by guess

or by the bland postcard.

 

He never came

to funerals.

He claimed they were too hard.

 

It came to pass

his heart grew weak

from fatty mortal care.

 

And no one knew

the ending of

the man who wasn't there.

Fwd: timerick

Suppress all your feelings, my friend.

My ear I don't willingly bend.

Your battered psyche

should take a hikey

until it can quietly mend.

Fwd: timerick

The ice caps are melting.  Big Deal.

The polar bears suffer.  Get Real.

It's Nature's own law

come freeze or come thaw --

make way for the automobile!

Fwd: timerick

High fructose corn syrup invades

our food products in mass cascades.

No wonder our young

have already sprung

more blubber than coins in arcades.

Fwd: timerick

Mitt Romney has only one spouse

but once he got in the White House

he might get the urge

on weddings to splurge --

all partisan feeling to douse.

Fwd: timerick

When Tiger Woods misses a putt

we secretly start off to strut.

He isn't so great

we tell our bored mate,

I could have made that with eyes shut.

Fwd: timerick

They say that by taking fish oil

all wrinkles and aches will recoil.

I'd rather combat

old age with a hat

made out of the cheapest tinfoil.

Fwd: timerick

I'm tired of words, greatly so.

They seem like the dirty gray snow;

smothering meaning

and intervening

to keep my green life far below.

Fwd: timerick

Let me explain that 'rendition'

is an accepted tradition

if you're too tender

yourself to render

a specimen for sedition.

Fwd: timerick

The prayer of the righteous will work.

But what of the fink and the jerk?

Do their crummy pleas

stay put at their knees?

Who carries it up past the murk?

 

 

Fwd: timerick

I'd like to know what is the plan

to stamp out the darn Taliban.

The more that we shoot

the more they reboot.

Perhaps we should feed them on bran.

Fwd: timerick

Ray Bradbury writes of the weird.

Of creatures with fangs many tiered.

His Midwestern sense

leaves us the most tense

when bragging aloud: "I ain't skeered!"

Fwd: timerick

So call out a damn p.c. cop --

I tell you I hate that hip hop.

It only can thrive

as witch doctor jive.

As music it's not even slop.

Fwd: timerick

Hugh Grant is a talent, I guess,

who takes careful thought to assess.

Though ladies may pant

he ain't Cary Grant.

His snotty ways lack some finesse.

Fwd: timerick

We won't go to war with Iran.

At least we do not have a plan!

But wait -- did we not

just make up a plot

for Iraq and Afghanistan?

Fwd: timericks

A discounted flight is so slow

it puts all your plans in escrow.

The seats are so tight

your toes will turn white.

The meals are a lukewarm Play Doh.

Fwd: timerick

Because I am living austere

I only change socks once a year.

The laundry I save

allows me to waive

the ill effects on my career.

Fwd: timerick

They're recalling food at a rate
that keeps me from being sedate

whenever I chew

some veal cordon bleu

or poke at the greens on my plate.

Fwd: timericks

Convenience stores pepper the land

like spinach is sprinkled with sand.

They're easy to rob

but you'll love the job

if you can make change while you stand.

Fwd: timerick

Bad habits are made to be broke.

The truth though tis hard must be spoke.

A promise once made

you must not let fade.

And Pepsi just loves to drink Coke.

 

Fwd: timerick

The Dollar coin's coming our way.

Old green paper George cannot stay.

Our legs will be bowed

from hefting the load.

Shout hernia doctors: "Hooray!"

Fwd: timerick

To love is to lose, poets sigh.

All romance must wither and die.

They cannot conceive

a God who would weave

a knot you can never untie.

timerick

Joe Conrad wrote of the South Sea

in language of the bourgeoisie.

His heroes were staid.

His heroines swayed.

His natives had no pedigree.

 

Arrangements

ARRANGEMENTS

 

For my eulogy please write

everything upon a kite.

Hold the string with all your might.

When it snaps yell "Outta sight!"

 

For my coffin try to nag

undertakers for a bag.

Label it with orange tag.

Toss it off some lofty crag.

 

Tell the grandkids their grandpa

should not now be held in awe.

Tell them of my every flaw

and that I could play the saw.

 

All the cash I've left on hand

use to go to Disneyland.

Come back looking fit and tanned.

Mourn me with a rubber band.

Showers

People take too many showers.

Think of those wet wasted hours!

I really don't know

what's wrong with BO

as long as the soul smells of flowers.

timerick

The jellyfish doesn't conform

to cuddly thoughts that are warm.

Just one careless clutch

will put you in touch

with something more like a bee swarm.

timerick

The body was not even cold

when everyone had to be told

that Anna Nicole

still had one more role --

as Corpse-of-the-Month she is gold.

timerick

I'm glad I am cured of the itch

to work myself hard to get rich.

Do you think Bill Gates

and all of his mates

grew wealthy from digging a ditch?

timerick

I'm sleeping the sleep of the just.

My worries have all turned to dust.

When out of the blue

my gut yells "Yoo-Hoo!"

and off to the bathroom I must.

timerick

A paperclip is so absurd

as icon for Microsoft Word.

The eyeballs do roll

without any soul.

It makes a true writer deterred.

timerick

In cyberspace nothing is blacker

than deeds of the secluded hacker.

Like the Almighty

he knows your ID.

Our cyber-shields are merely lacquer.

timerick

Iraq cheats us out of our dough

more than any carny sideshow.

Bush and his barkers

must be quite starkers

to think that their gaff we won't blow.

timerick

An astronaut, Lisa Marie,

is charged with assault, third degree.

Her rocketman flew

where it was taboo --

his co-pilot found a banshee.

timerick

The trouble with people who curse

is that they all love to converse.

They think verbal farts

display their best parts.

Oh, why can't they learn to be terse?

timerick

We know that the groundhog predicts

when winter is done with its tricks.

If only we knew

the same for the crew

that put us in this Iraq fix.

Fwd: timerick

Man not only leaves his disgrace

on earth but must put it in space.

The junk circling round

would surely confound

Copernicus and all his race.

timerick

Americans won't work a job

that treats them too much like a slob.

So processing plants

like old maiden aunts

take anything out of the mob.

timerick

All coffee to me tastes like mud.

As beverage it is a dud.

If I want a jolt

an electric volt

serves better to make my heart thud.

 

timerick

I may watch the Super Bowl, lads.

But not for the players in pads.

That knocking about

just gives me the gout.

I tune in for all the great ads.

timerick

Now every bag left all alone

is figured a bomb to be blown.

The shopper who drops

a sack has the cops

on them like Sylvester Stallone.

timerick

Now Huckabee's running for Prez.

What's next -- a Shrine clown in a fez?

There should be a law

that from Arkansas

we only want heads that are Pez.

Healthcare

Since children do not have the vote
why should they get healthcare by rote?
They mostly survive
if not really thrive.
We don't need more taxes to tote.
 
 

---

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Waterboarding

Waterboarding is a sport
that makes liberals all snort.
If applied to bleeding hearts
maybe they will get some smarts;
realize that omlettes come
only when you break a thumb.
Fire must be fought with flame.
Home-grown torture is no shame.
 

---

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timerick

Congressional medals it seems
are wrecking Red China's grand dreams
of keeping Tibet
as their household pet
no matter the volume of screams.
 
 

---

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timerick

Fie on you, President Putin.
Blustering of missiles shootin'.
We'd like to throw out
your grim Slavic pout.
You sure deserve a good bootin'.
 

---

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timerick

They say women's lipstick has lead
which certainly fills men with dread
because in the clinch
it sure is a cinch
that one kiss could knock him quite dead.
 

---

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timerick

Al Gore has more lives than a cat.
You can't keep him down when he's flat.
The warmer the Earth
the less cause for mirth
at thinking he'll throw in his hat.
 
 

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Which?

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Take my advice . . . please!

Never go to bed with your shoes on.
 
If at first you DO succeed don't brag about it.
 
Clean your plate and you'll still have to wash it.
 
A silent woman has something on her mind; a silent man is just glad to be alive.
 
Insight comes C.O.D.
 
Flatter your boss for quick prmotion; your spouse for quick suspicion.
 
Spite stays busier than goodwill.
 
Take time to smell the garbage and you're watching too much TV
 
Don't bother to aim high; aim true.
 
Money lets you dream.  Work let's you live.
 
Listen to your heart unless you have a lot of money.
 
An enemy is just a friend you haven't killed yet.
 
God doesn't count calories.
 
Your life is like your laundry; nobody wants to do it for you.
 
If you have to ask how much something costs you don't have enough credit cards.
 
Your children will teach you more than your parents.
 
Stupidity is a franchise.
 
There are two kinds of people in the world -- when you find out what they are let me know.

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Princess Di

We do not much recognize
the winner of each Nobel Prize.
But identify
with ease Princess Di
and all of her lover-boy guys.
 

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Crandon

We do not need troops in Iraq
to save us from terror attack.
Put them in Crandon
till we abandon
our own massacres back to back.
 

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Marion Jones

If Marion Jones would get smart
she'd say steroid use is an art
requiring poise
to win those gold toys
and start her own brand at Walmart.
 
 

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Senator Craig

And then there is Senator Craig
who's cursed with a wandering leg.
He says he will plead
according to creed
by keeping his story quite vague.
 

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Oreck

Consider the vacuums of Oreck.
The promises made are euphoric.
It leaves not a hint
of dirt fuzz or lint
and dust becomes something historic.
 
 

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Blackwater

The Blackwater managers claim
they shoot, not to kill, but to maim.
Their training includes
ignoring all feuds.
They treat every corpse just the same.
 
 

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The Hobby

A hobby is something you get
in place of an annoying pet.
You might collect stamps
or photograph tramps.
Don't tell me about it just yet.
 
 

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Tainted

Now hamburger proves to be tainted.
Our FDA's no longer sainted.
Those government hacks
are totally lax --
with E. Colli they're unacquainted.
 

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timerick

 
Now hamburger proves to be tainted.
Our FDA's no longer sainted.
Those government hacks
are totally lax --
with E. Colli they're unacquainted.
 

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