The media were out in force, of course, mostly young and blonde with cell phones glued to their perfectly coiffed hair do's. But this being Iowa they were talking to their mothers about the potroast on Sunday and not negotiating a hostage deal or bantering with their sexy boyfriends.
McCain carries a full cadre of dark-suited lock-stepping young men and women to handle the crowds and media. Since you can't go ten seconds in a McCain rally without hearing about his extensive Navy experience I expected him to arrive on a battle ship and be piped aboard by the bosun, dressed in an admirals uniform. In fact, his campaign bio is titled: A SON OF THE NAVY. When I read that the shade of W.C. Fields rose up next to me muttering "Ah yes, of dubious parentage . . . "
They dumped us media lepers way in the back on those wretched metal folding chairs that are the bane of my existence. I develop incipient scoliosis everytime I sit on one for more than ten minutes.
Himself spoke briefly and then took questions from the audience. Most of the questions were rambling, incoherent and so devoid of grammar as to defy a Daniel Webster from understanding them. In fact, most weren't even questions, just meandering statements from elderly goops hopped up on prune juice. No one under sixty was allowed to frame a question, so it all had to do with Social Security and those damn illegal aliens that are stealing our jobs and raping our daughters. Miraculously McCain listened courteously,then pretended he had just heard a profound question worthy of Maimonides (go look that one up on Wikipedia -- I had to for the right spelling).
Now folks, an old and wise clown named Prince Paul once told me -- he who toots his own horn shall be tooted. Nevertheless and be that as it may, I have to say that during the media session afterwards I had the best question of the night. McCain is a Reaganesque spinner of stories. So I asked him why Republicans are better story tellers than Democrats. He chuckled deeply at my whimsical yet pithy question, then talked about the war in Iraq.
Say goodnight Gracie . . .
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