The Grudge

The exercise that I love best is holding on to grudges;

When it comes to passing wrongs, my mem'ry never budges!

I recall indignities from 1982;

I derive great nourishment while on such things I chew.

Teachers who were rude to me; uncles with bad breath;

Friends who didn't do me right – I treat 'em like Macbeth!

Forgiveness is a luxury I simply can't afford;

Quite frankly if I did it I should think I would be bored!

There are many, many people in my craw securely stuck;

They'll all go down in infamy, if I have any luck!

You might think I am miserable, but there you would be wrong;

Revenge gives me great energy – I may burst into song!

Oh, the lawyers I could hire to get back at all the jerks

Who've made me mad with nothing more than simple little smirks.

The world is out to get me and the past I will not bury.

"Reparations" is a word that I find very merry.

Justice must be here and now; I brook no soft delay.

I yearn to make each hour part of heaven's Judgment Day.

My pound of flesh awaits me from the cheats and bums and dopes

Who turned on me and shattered all my sunny little hopes.

And when I've gotten everything that is my earthly due

I expect the Pearly Gates I will serenely view.

Sometimes I think how lonely it will be Up There as well –

Since everyone I've ever known I've had to send to hell.

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