Tea Party Topics

Considering the way things are in this economy,

The way a mortgage can implode so unexpectedly,

Instead of flying something saying "Do Not Tread On Me"

I think I'd put up "Rooms for Rent" upon my front yard tree.

Poets

Poets have agendas like a cow has got some teats.

Poetry is all about their struggles and retreats.

They write of death and sex and love and then again of sex;

Someone ought to tell them that they need to wash their necks.

They teach at universities and live upon fat grants

That let them write epiphanies about the wingless ants.

Though shallow as a cookie sheet, they keep a grim profile

To make you think they are the victims of much secret guile.

Furious and passionate, disdaining commonplaces,

They travel far and so forget their kids could use some braces.

If you like to make things rhyme, and do not raise your fist,

You are not a poet . . . just a tawdry humorist.

Recruits

Recruits into the Army are beginning to display

Muscles just as flabby as an amateur soufflé.

Instead of drilling on parade most every single day

To the PX they will cruise on Uncle Sam's Segway.

Backpacks are too heavy; they may have to hire caddies

While they're in Afghanistan and fighting off the baddies. 

Location

The night is young, but I am old,

And so I write this little scold

To those who want the Internet

To track down roving buddies yet.

Do I care if Bill and Sue

Are walking in the Como Zoo?

So what if Fred and Sam and Gene

Are on a bus to Bowling Green?

What good does it do for me

To track my dear wife's shopping spree?

I guess it makes me very dated –

I don't want to be located.

But if you really have to know,

I'm at a bar, just sipping slow.

Sunburn!

I lay upon the beach too long

So now I sing this mournful song:

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!

I didn't think the sun so strong;

How can one guy be so wrong?

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!

My shoulders feel as if some hick

Had beaten on them with a stick.

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!

My arms are baked and my poor nose

Like a light bulb warmly glows.

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!

I thought a little baby oil

Would prevent this awesome broil.

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!

If you like this song of mine

Please get me some calamine!

Sunburn!  Have I got sunburn!