The Phone Book

 

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The phone book is an item we can do without, I scold;
it's heavy and it's awkward and it's worth its weight in mold.
The last time that I used mine was to squash a centipede
that was strolling 'cross my kitchen floor at irritating speed.
When seating junior members of the family for a meal
the phone book comes in handy, otherwise I truly feel
those yellowed pages are absurd and just get in the way;
you just might get a hernia from lifting it some day.
I can think of better ways of using up a tree
than printing scores of pages that no one will ever see.

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