TP

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In solitude I contemplate my roll of soft tp;
without it I would leave this room in total misery.
It's quilted and it's scented and it comes with little patterns.
It separates me from the beasts and all of Nature's slatterns.
Why they perforate it into dinky little sheets
is something that the wisdom of the ages still defeats.
I wonder what the Romans used in spartan days gone by?
Probably their togas -- they were never very shy.
How about Egyptians who had access to the Nile?
Perhaps they used papyrus while avoiding crocodile.
The ancient Chinese Mandarins took care of things with silk
and then they rinsed their hands off with a squirt of mermaid's milk.
The ancient Persians used a bit of fancy peacock tail.
A cruel people; if in need, they also used whole quail.
The Incas used a llama's tongue, which doesn't bear much thought.
The Aztecs were ferocious and they used live ocelot!
Columbus and his nimble crew did use the ocean waves.
Dracula would steal the shroud from out of fresh dug graves.
Shakespeare used a sonnet on a sheet of parchment rough.
Russians, until recently, would use their own ear muff.
Eskimos used blubber, which sure made for slippery seats.
Farmers up in Idaho still use small sugar beets.
But there's no use in bragging that we have a better way --
not until the whole world switches to a warm bidet.

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Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. See how it works.

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Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. See how it works.