If I were an oil tycoon I'd wear a full black cape.
I'd leer at every virgin and feed kittens on scotch tape.
Hot sauce I would put into all baby food supplies,
Bite the ears off teddy bears and bad breath subsidize.
My employees all would have their lunch breaks cut in half
And their Christmas bonus would be some cheap stuffed giraffe.
Pulling wings off house flies just wouldn't be my style –
Instead I'd buy up PBS and rerun Gomer Pyle.
Yes, when I'm an oil tycoon all mankind I will spurn.
But Wall Street still will love me for the profits that I earn.
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