Monday, August 31, 2009

The Woodsman

And so the wolf was chopped in half; Red Riding Hood was glad.

Old Grandma got a new fur coat, which didn't look half bad.

The woodsman, though, was tossed in jail, and there he slowly rotted

While court-appointed lawyers his appeal so slowly plotted.

When finally he saw the judge and members of the jury

He found that they were very fond of creatures dark and furry.

"Endangered species like the wolf" the judge said, passing sentence,

"cannot be trifled with, my friend; you need some stern repentance."

The woodsman spent the next twelve years inside a prison, thinking

Instead of helping Riding Hood he should have gone out drinking.

When at last he was paroled, his axe completely rusted,

He had to go on welfare cuz he was completely busted.

Red Riding Hood, in therapy for lo these many years,

Couldn't help – her doctor bills were steeply in arrears.

The woodsman had to take to crime to fill his empty belly;

He broke into a liquor store and then a kosher deli.

They threw him back in prison and I guess he's still inside,

Howling at the moon when they don't give him a bromide.

Verily, this homily I now must needs deliver:

The only thing that's safe to chop is onions or calf's liver.



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