Friday, July 30, 2010

Obama in Detroit July 30, 2010.

In Detroit the president was hailed by one and all

For keeping G.M., Chrysler, from a catastrophic fall.

He boasted in the union hall about his strategy

To keep blue collar workers in a strong economy.

The bailout that his government employed has done so well

That cars are rolling off the line just like a bat from hell.

Yes indeed, we can rejoice in what Obama's done . . .

Too bad nobody has the funds to buy a single one!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Troll

I'm pretty slow to understand the world I'm living in.

I always thought a troll was just an ogre's rustic kin.

But now I find that trolls are on the Internet all day,

Sowing chaos, grief, and simply getting in the way.

They creep into a chat room, looking for a lulz or two;

Perhaps they'll use a sockpuppet to mask their point of view.

Once they've gotten everybody at each other's throat

They retire to a coffee shop where they can sit and gloat.

Anonymous and puerile, they have shown the world wide web

Is bringing us much closer to humanity's last ebb.

The New Cinderella

The Chinese Cinderella sits in ashes up to here;

Her cities are polluted and her rivers fizz like beer.

Particulates are so widespread that breathing has become

A habit much like smoking – it's both dangerous and dumb.

The rain's not only acid but explodes upon contact;

Cockroaches are leaving and the flies have their bags packed.

She has no fairy godmother on whom she can rely

As the smog is thickening and shutting out the sky.

The government is Marxist but the country's laissez faire

As the people stuff their money in their dirty underwear.

Her carbon footprint is so large and carries such a stench

You couldn't even fit it in the Mariana Trench!

We'll have to send for Noah to bring back the forty days

Of rain before Red China can remove its filthy glaze.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Rabbit State

State employees have the knack

Of multiplying back to back;

Where there's one there soon is two;

Another month will bring a crew

Gazing at computer screens,

Inventing lazy sub-routines.

Pruning only causes growth;

 they are sly and nothing loath

To hide a job down basement stairs

Or hire someone to count chairs

At the county courthouse, or

Conserve the one last cuspidor.

You think rabbits multiply?

Bureaucrats don't even try!

Budgets are but harmless quirks –

The state goes on producing clerks.



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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Golden Goose

We all know tobacco's a terrible weed,

But now it's obesity taking the lead

In funding from agencies who think our health

Is worth every penny they tax from our wealth.

So if you light up you are viewed with dismay

But if you are fat you're a star right away.

There's programs designed for the baby who's fat;

For children so chubby they can't swing a bat;

For preadolescents who live on French fries;

For ev'ry young sluggard who shuns exercise.

All the fat kids should be playing this smart,

since subsidies flow like a meal a la cart.

Skinny kids starving -- now they're of no use

In mulcting the government's great golden goose!



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The New Tower of Babel

We know about each other more than anyone has need,

From credit score to appetite to last time that you peed.

This priceless information can be tabulated so

It predicts consumer trends or fav'rite TV show.

This flotsam and this jetsam on our roiling cyber sea,

This superficial landscape that is sculpted carefully,

Lulls us into thinking we have gained the upper hand,

That wisdom, understanding, are now something we command.

Build your tower out of facts and figures, graph and chart;

It will fail, since only God can know the human heart.

We know about each other more than anyone has need;

Our knowledge is as slender and as hollow as a reed.



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Monday, July 26, 2010

Shaggy Dog Story

Any war is too long but this latest is a pip;

Seems like it's an iceberg and we've only seen the tip.

Retreat is not an option and it seems that victory

Belongs to undertakers in this shaggy dog story.



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Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Hat

 

When Rome fell to the Visigoths, the fate of hats was dealt

A fatal blow, since nobody was left who could make felt.

You may think this fantasy, but I assure you that

All of Europe suffered underneath the frail straw hat.

Rain and snow and sleet combined to turn it into mush.

It turned out to be brittle, and was so easy to crush.

'Tis said that good Saint Clement, on a pious walk one day,

Grew tired of his wooden shoes, which he had stuffed with hay.

Instead he spread some rabbit's fur inside his soggy clogs,

And then he set out steadily across the Grampian Bogs.

When his trip was over he removed his clogs to find

The rabbit's fur – eureka! – had mysteriously combined.

He had a pad of purest felt – the knowledge soon was out;

And hatters once again produced fine tops that had some clout.

So whether it's a Trilby or a Stetson you prefer,

Remember it's Saint Clement who transformed the rabbit's fur.



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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The List

The government is listing everything from A to Z,

Which goes into a vast and secret Fed directory.

Access is prohibited to all except a few,

Such as passing strangers and the evening cleaning crew.

The list includes your income and your country of origin.

Are you here illegally, can you take penicillin?

Have you been arrested, are your taxes ever late?

Do you use Viagra and were you at Watergate?

Have you got a permit to go climbing Timpanogas?

Do you practice sorcery or other hocus-pocus?

Anybody wants to know about my private life

Don't need to hack into this list – just ask my sweet ex-wife!



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Friday, July 9, 2010

Gastronauts

Roasted yak for dinner, with a gutted guinea pig;

For dessert some honeyed ants and maybe mead to swig.

The more revolting food becomes the better some folks like it;

If your dinner is too tame, with surstromming you'll spike it!

A stomach of cast iron and some taste buds without shame

Are needed if you want to play this gustatory game.



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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Old Movie Halls on the Great Plains

 

Down the faded carpeting the ghosts of silver screen

Seem to tread in movie houses where the brass turns green.

Lonely little Bijous or the Roxy or the Audi –

Cobwebs camouflaging peeling paintwork once so gaudy.

Here come Stan and Ollie; over there is Harold Lloyd.

Barbara Stanwyck, Clara Bow – the queens of celluloid!

Wallace Beery shambles by, and then glides Adolph Menjou—

A breath of glory making this old firetrap again new.

These ghosts are easy to appease, as sure as you are born;

Just pour 'em out a sticky Coke, with incense of popcorn.



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