the fine print

               THE FINE PRINT

 

Our law office invites you to

A big Class Action whoop-de-doo!

Lawsuits range from coast to coast,

Turning business into toast.

Whether child or baby boomer

You have been a prime consumer,

Harmed by shoddy merchandise

Gouged by unfair rate or price.

Neglected by your health care plan –

Now's your chance to stick the Man!

Short of breath and feeling blue?

A drug cartel we'll gladly sue.

Crack a tooth on nutty fudge?

Wait until we tell the judge.

Injured by electric short?

Meet us at the county court.

Need a million in a hurry?

We have got the perfect jury!

Surely you would never jest us –

Aren't you coughing up asbestos?

Pills and creams and even salt;

We will find out who's at fault.

Never mind how long ago;

Deep pockets much deeper grow!

Sign upon this dotted line –

(Do not read the print so fine.)

Legal brains of awesome size

All your rights will exercise.

We'll dispense with legalese.

(Ignore that stuff about our fees.)

You are now our valued client.

But we hope you're self-reliant.

Justice is a waiting game.

It takes time to spread the blame.

Lawsuits of this size and scope

Need finesse and slick soft soap.

So be patient, we implore;

Billing hours are in store.

When the final verdict's back

We'll get ours . . .

But you'll get jack.

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