Obama's Got a Job for Me!

---

Obama's got a job for me!
He said so yesterday.
It comes with many benefits
and lots of crisp green pay.
The healthcare is completely free.
No boss will be in sight.
My meals are all provided,
even pizza late at night.
The hours will be flexible,
no weekends are required.
I can take vacations, paid,
whnever I am tired.
I don't know what my job involves;
perhaps some supervising.
Or maybe I'l just jet around,
the corporate world advising.
Obama's got a job for me,
as sure as God made Slackers --
possibly I'll be the coach
of the Green Bay Packers!

---

Access your email online and on the go with Windows Live Hotmail. Sign up today.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

Only in the Movies

---

In movies you can always park
wherever fancy takes you;
in real life when you park amiss
the traffic court sure rakes you.
The fines grow steeper every year,
there seems to be no topper
until they have reduced you to
the status of a pauper.
The downtown curbs are jammed with cars
immobile as a boulder;
parking lots will only give
out with the same cold shoulder.
And if somehow you find a spot
through luck and chance too strange,
the meter grins at you because
you haven't any change.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

Reflections on a Fishbowl

---

A goldfish in a bowl
will rarely have a goal.
It's room and board is set.
Fears nothing but a net.
No clothing does it need.
It follows no known creed.
In politics is bland;
will always vote for sand.
Cannot be made to see
its part in history.
Prefers to drift along,
no thought of right or wrong.
Won't even have a name,
rejects all earthly fame.
And on its final wave,
the toilet is its grave.
A voiceless glint of light
for pleasure in our sight.
I wonder if we too
are put on cosmic view.
Oh wouldn't it be droll
if Earth were a fishbowl!

---

Get more done, have more fun, and stay more connected with Windows Mobile®. See how.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

Cabinet of Rivals

---

I wonder if Obama
has a clue about his fate
if he appoints old Hillary
to run affairs of State?
She might declare a war or two
behind his skinny back
and send in the Marines
upon excuses pretty slack.
He husband at State dinners
will undoubtedly inflame
passions of resentment
as he ogles every dame.
Lincoln had his cabinet
of rivals, it is true --
but they knew he could whup 'em
anytime all black & blue!

---

Get more done, have more fun, and stay more connected with Windows Mobile®. See how.

---

Get more done, have more fun, and stay more connected with Windows Mobile®. See how.

What Lasts Forever

---

When the earth shall wear away
and time itself shall stop,
when cities crumble in decay
and every mountain top
is leveled with the shifting sands
and life survives in nooks --
somewhere still will be a stack
of Reader's Digest Condensed Books.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

---

Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. Sign up today.

Keys

---

I used to have a pocket
full of awkward metal keys.
They poked me in odd places
and produced strange melodies.
They bulged and ripped the fabric
of my trousers all the time,
so spare change poured out of me,
every nickel, penny, dime!
And if I dumped them in a bowl
or handy dresser drawer
I'd forget where I had put them
and go searching evermore.
Now everything's 'lectronic
and you have to know the code;
which means I can't remember
how to get in my abode!

---

Access your email online and on the go with Windows Live Hotmail. Sign up today.

---

Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. Sign up today.

Kleenex

---

The kleenex is a mighty sheet,
cuz when you go "kerchoo!"
it hides your germs and snot away
so none of it I view.
And then you toss it daintily
into a trash container;
even college students should
see that is a no-brainer.
Some folks prefer to use TP
but I think that is crass;
because, my dear, that is the stuff
you use to wipe your ass.
Still others wipe upon their sleeve
or hawk and spit away;
concertos on their sinuses
I sure would like to play.
Of course, there is the handkerchief,
that lamest Christmas gift;
it's nothing but a booger vault-
let's make 'em all go "pffft!"
Yes, kleenex is the only thing
to quell a winter sneeze,
but if you use the same one twice
don't shake hands with me -- Please!

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

---

Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. Sign up today.

Hand Lotion

---

In wintertime my skin does crack;
essential moisture it does lack.
And so I put goo on my hands
to make them soft as rubber bands,
or rubber binders, take your pick;
the upshot is my hands are slick
and smell of lavender and mint
and pick up lots of dust and lint,
which makes me rub them on my shirt.
(I'm glad that plaid does not show dirt.)
And when I try the pickle jar
my slippery digits don't get far.
Am I to starve 'til help arrives
from several drops of smooth St. Ives?

---

Get more done, have more fun, and stay more connected with Windows Mobile®. See how.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

Resealable

---

The package says "resealable"
but whether ham or peas
when you try to snap it shut
it brings you to your knees.
The line turns red -- or is it blue --
the bag turns inside out;
the contents fall upon the floor
and seep into the grout.
"Resealable."  Oh, what a crock!
It's messy and unsure.
To every maker of such frauds
my only comment:  "Grrr!"
'Tween promise and performance
there is such a giant gap
that I am now reverting
back to good old Handiwrap!
 

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

The Pilgrim Fathers

---

The Pilgrims were a solemn band
who had no thought of paying
for the land on which they built
their churches for long praying.
They said that God had given them
this land of milk and honey.
Besides, the savages they found
had no use for their money.
The Pilgrims starved until their hosts
gave them some tips on farming
and in return the Pilgrims preached
a God who was alarming.
Today the Pilgrim churches stand
as empty as their pockets,
while Indian casinos have
attendance that skyrockets.

---

Get more done, have more fun, and stay more connected with Windows Mobile®. See how.

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

Yes, Virginia, etc . . .

---

Virginia asked, long years ago,
if Santa Claus were real.
And in reply newspapers said:
"It's all in how you feel."
Her question still is pertinent
and so I do reply:
The jolly fat man lives and breathes,
but not for us small fry.
A Santa Claus exists for those
who fly in private jets,
who gambled on the stock market
and can't pay off their debts.
St Nick is real for Scrooges who,
to feed the bottom line,
lay off their best employees and
on pension plans do dine.
Santa Claus exists inside the
heart of every miser
who hides behind his offshore bank
and his tax advisor.
Virginia, you and I can't count
on Santa Claus to come.
If we are not large companies
he treats us like a bum.
Without a golden parachute
or stock options galore,
old Santa has his reindeer kick
us all around the floor.
He takes away our candy canes
and doesn't give a damn.
That is because, Virginia, he
is really Uncle Sam.
 
 
 

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

---

Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. Sign up today.

The Curse

---

Music lessons were a curse
when I was just a boy.
Our mothers seemed to torture us
with undiluted joy.
They really thought pianos
kept us free from gangs and crime
and with much application
we might make the real Big Time.
We'd start a game of dodgeball
in the alley on the sly,
only to be ambushed
by that awful mother's cry:
"Come to the piano!"
"Why must you always roam?"
"I've got your lesson book right here,"
"with brand-new metronome!"
'Twalonly thirty minutes
but the time slowed to a crawl.
We felt ourselves grow limp inside
like some used-up rag doll.
When at last the chains were struck,
we went outside again
to find the other kids had gone
to watch some Gentle Ben.
And then at the recital
in a shirt that was too tight
we peed our pants while in the wings
from surfeit of stage fright.
Finally in high school
we did make our parents see
we never ever could become
a famous prodigy.
And that is why unto this day
our bowels begin to clench
whenever we approach too close
to a piano bench.

---

Proud to be a PC? Show the world. Download the "I'm a PC" Messenger themepack now. Download now.

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

Shut Up, Michael Moore

---

Shut up, Michael Moore.
You're such an old bore.
You don't know the score.
You make my ears sore.
Rush Limbaugh, be still.
You're mentally ill.
Go take a pain pill.
We've all had our fill.
Ms Oprah, drop dead.
You live in your head.
You make me see red.
Some weight you should shed.
Jay Leno, too smug.
Do you wear a rug?
Your jokes need a drug.
Your mouth needs a plug.
Judge Judy, for shame.
You're way off your game.
Your rulings are lame.
You're one ugly dame.
Doc Philbert, you stink.
You drive me to drink.
You're over the brink.
You need your own shrink.
What more can I say?
It's been a bad day.
These voices I'll slay.
Oh silence, please stay!

---

Windows Live Hotmail now works up to 70% faster. Sign up today.

---

Color coding for safety: Windows Live Hotmail alerts you to suspicious email. Sign up today.

Once in a Blue Moon

---

 


The leaders in the Senate
and the House of Reps have failed
to get their money package
by their colleagues shut and nailed.
Up for re-election,
most politicos are shy
of making any wavelets
or the thought of "Wolf!" to cry.
Paulson and his cronies
better have another ace --
maybe they can rob us
after spraying us with Mace.
Once in a blue moon our congress
pauses to give thought,
instead of giving in to
plans the lobbyists have bought.
 

---

Want to do more with Windows Live? Learn "10 hidden secrets" from Jamie. Learn Now

---

See how Windows connects the people, information, and fun that are part of your life. See Now

The Communists were Right!

The communists were right --
they were absolutely right!
Capital is finished;
it is dying in the night.
Instead of revolution
snatching means of all production
the government is buying it
at quite a large reduction.
They're buying all the banks
and insurance companies.
They'll soon own all Detroit
and the airlines, if you please.
Healthcare can't resist them
any longer, I am sure;
universal coverage
is campaign literature.
The communists were right --
they were totally correct!
The government owns everything,
as Karl Marx did expect.
 

---

Get more out of the Web. Learn 10 hidden secrets of Windows Live. Learn Now

---

See how Windows connects the people, information, and fun that are part of your life. See Now

checking in w/the Man

---

I like to go to church each week
and check in with the Man
so I can let Him know
that of His work I am a fan:
The sunsets and the rainbows
and birds in airy flight,
the ways of little children
(all excepting when they bite.)
The burnished colors of the leaves
as seasons come and go;
the stillness of a winter night
(if I don't shovel snow.)
The stars affixed above me
and the valley's sloping green,
the variety of foodstuffs
(I'll ignore the lima bean.)
Communications from good friends
who comfort me like nectar.
And the stranger at my gate
(except the tax collector.)
All of it is good and great
and long may it continue!
(I only wish some of my fat
He would convert to sinew.)
 

---

See how Windows Mobile brings your life together—at home, work, or on the go. See Now

---

Get more out of the Web. Learn 10 hidden secrets of Windows Live. Learn Now

First Debate

---

Down in Mississippi
where molasses is thought fast
McCain and young Obama
debated for broadcast.
Stating all the obvious,
refusing to lock eyes,
nothing that they said or did
would come as a surprise.
Avoiding the big picture
with a vagueness quite unique,
the candidates could summon
nothing more than gentle pique.
The moderator never could
elicit more than rote;
so when it was all over
poor Jim Lehrer slit his throat!
 
 

---

Get more out of the Web. Learn 10 hidden secrets of Windows Live. Learn Now

---

Want to do more with Windows Live? Learn "10 hidden secrets" from Jamie. Learn Now

Those Magic Ads

---

I spent my gilded youth upon
the floor with comic books,
with Superman and kryptonite
and Batman smashing crooks.
But even better than the clash
of titans in a pack
were the ads, those magic ads,
that shouted from the back.
Soldiers by the millions spilled
from boxes for combat --
X-ray glasses let you see
through skin and bone and fat.
A monkey in a teacup
could be bought for chicken feed.
Magic crystals in a bowl
that grew with lightning speed.
Sneezing powder, pepper gum,
exploding cigarettes;
supersonic, atom-bombing
cardboard Air Force jets!
I sent in all my quarters
ever-hoping for a coup
to make my pals so jealous
that their faces would turn blue.
But all I got back in return
broke down, could not abide;
even my poor monkey
in his teacup up and died.
And so my super heroes
were all working as mere shills
for plastic Japanese junk,
rubber vomit, other frills.
I learned a fool with money
will not keep it very long,
if he insists on heeding
Advertisement's siren song.
 

---

Want to do more with Windows Live? Learn "10 hidden secrets" from Jamie. Learn Now

---

Want to do more with Windows Live? Learn "10 hidden secrets" from Jamie. Learn Now

thrift store

---

Thrift stores have some bargains
if you run a haunted house
or plan on raising bedbugs
or perhaps a little mouse.
You cannot call it junk because
that hurts too many feelings --
as with vodka, you can't say
it's just potato peelings.
"Slightly Used" and "Almost New" --
they both have the same meaning;
broken, worn out, shabby,
and in need of lots of cleaning.
Still, the thrift store customers
will throw away their dough --
cuz they saw something like it
on the last Antiques Roadshow.

---

Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows Live. Share now!

---

Your PC, mobile phone, and online services work together like never before. See how Windows® fits your life

school daze

---

Education in our schools
is surely out of whack
when every child must tote to school
a mountaineer's backpack.
I see them stagger on the bus,
expressions all forlorn.
They look like they're about to climb
the dreaded Matterhorn.
Why do schools insist upon
supplies in such excess?
A notebook and a pencil
ought to do the trick, I guess.
But no, there is the laptop
and a box of Kleenex, too --
a cell phone and a rule book
and a jug of Elmer's glue.
A quart of bottled water
(guess the drinking fountain's broke).
Calculator, paint set and
some handwash -- what a joke!
Scholars are not made from
all these knick-knacks in a bag.
No wonder kids play hooky
and their test scores always lag.

---

Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows Live. Share now!

---

Get Windows Live and get whatever you need, wherever you are. Start here.