Sam Clemens steps outside the pearly gates to grab a smoke,
And waves his stogie at the Earth: "It is God's greatest joke!"
He puffs with satisfaction as he sees the people flock
To book stores for his memoirs, which are going out of stock.
He hears a voice and turns to see old Scratch come into view:
"Sam, you've got a lot of friends now asking after you."
"They hear your book is doing well and want you to come down"
To socialize and gallivant and maybe paint the town."
"I am not going awol yet." The author nods his head.
"Give 'em all a weekend pass to visit me instead!"
"We'll have a little party, make some water out of wine"
"to celebrate my latest book – on manna we shall dine."
"Now Sam you know I can't do that." The devil gives a grin.
"Once I let your friends all out they'll never come back in!"
"Oh, as to that . . . " Sam Clemens says with just a touch of mirth,
"If you can't put 'em back in hell just send 'em back to Earth!"
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