O Christmas Tree

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree –

Are you made of PVC?

Are your branches merely tin,

Taken from a tool shed bin?

Oh Christmas pine, oh Christmas pine –

you do not smell of turpentine.

You'll last a lifetime I do trust,

Although you may begin to rust.

Oh Christmas spruce, oh Christmas spruce –

I hope your nuts and bolts aren't loose.

If I should mulch you some sad day,

I'd have to call the EPA.

Oh Christmas fir, oh Christmas fir –

"In China Made", your signature.

It's guilt that makes us buy these things,

Surrounded by grim carbon rings.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree –

I'd rather some proud Hindu be!

I would not have this holiday,

nor give neckties and bucks away.

Oh Tannenbaum, Oh Tannenbaum –

You're giving me a sudden qualm.