The Secret Service

Ev'rybody ought to have a Secret Service man

Lurking by their front door and out back by garbage can.

Gives a guy the confidence to meet the hardest stare

And pick up his newspaper in his boxers underwear.

Ordering a pizza would become a state affair;

Should anchovies infiltrate there would be great despair.

And if a fellow lost his job the Secret Service corps

would file his unemployment and perhaps beg door-to-door.

I hope the Secret Service will start keeping track of me –

Then ev'ry time I scratch my butt it will be history!