HELPFUL HINTS

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To stretch a dollar nowadays
is not too hard to do.
A little thought and planning
will see you cheaply through.
First, have all your teeth pulled out
to save on wear and waste;
you'll never have to brush again
or purchase new toothpaste.
Don't drink coffee in the morn;
your breath will be so sweet.
Instead boil up your credit cards.
With sugar it's a treat!
Try to do home cooking --
use some beef stock and some roux.
Like Chaplin in The Gold Rush
you can feast on hard-boiled shoe.
Hitch hike into work today,
no matter that the breeze
will turn you into ice cream
from the local Tastee Freeze.
Get rid of cable TV
and computer games as well.
Throw away your cell phone,
disconnect the front doorbell.
Live a simple life, my friend,
and you will be elated
how quickly everything in life
seems pretty constipated.
 

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