timerick

THE BALLAD OF TITUS BROWN

 

After a long and saintly life

they buried Titus Brown.

The neighbors came from miles around

To see him lowered down.

The crowd was large because in life

Old Titus was a nag;

They hoped that with a ton of dirt

His tongue no more would wag.

As everyone expected so –

And Titus most of all –

He swept up to the pearly gates

Quite unabashed and tall.

St Peter stopped him as he was

About to go inside

And asked for photo ID, else

His entrance was denied.

Old Titus did a double-take

And hollered "What the hell?"

St Peter said "In that place they

Match fingerprints as well."

"My wallet's in the coffin where

they laid my body by"

said Titus.  "I supposed up here

no one could ever lie!"

"You'd be surprised" St Peter said

"how good computers are

at forging documents that can

turn cinder into star."

"Go back to earth and get some proof

that you are who you say –

and watch out for that speed bump

when you hit the Milky Way."

So Titus shot back down to earth

Much brisker than a bee

But no official could be found

To give him an ID.

He couldn't take a picture

For his spirit was too thin.

The clerks down at the DMV

Won't even let him in.

But haunting his old nursing home

And scaring off the guard

He managed to go through the trash

For his library card.

He gave it to St Peter who

Was looking old and tired.

He glanced at it and said "My friend

This card has expired . . ."

They say at night if you are on

A lonely country road,

Look up -- you'll see poor Titus trapped

In Northern Lights barcode. 

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