car commercials

How I hate commercials

Showing all those brand-new cars –

Do they think my lifestyle

Is the same as movie stars?

And all those acrobatics,

When upon a dime it stops –

If I tried such shenanigans

I'd be dead meat for cops.

Now, inside all these buggies

There are gizmos past belief;

They guide you, test your blood pressure,

Advise on tax relief.

Everything is leather,

Solid gold or platinum;

The only thing that's missing

Is a place to park my gum.

Innuendo hints that if I

Do not buy the brand,

My IQ is deficient

And my pants are filled with sand.

But buying their jalopy,

I would need to raise more dough

Than the whole darn GNP

Of well-heeled Monaco.

So when such ads are on the air

I simply change the channel

To something less expensive but

Most likely just as banal.

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