soybeans

I don't care how you slice it,

Whether pink or white or green,

You will not find me snacking

On the wretched soybean.

Roast it dry like peanuts –

I will just turn up my nose.

Cook up tofu burgers –

I will toss them to the crows.

Soy milk I abominate;

Soy butter's even worse

And if you give me soybean sprouts

You're gonna need a nurse!

Feed it to the poultry, pigs,

Or fatten up your cattle.

But put it on my dinner plate

And there will be a battle.

I tell you they're unnatural

And are not fit to eat;

After they are processed

They cost more than Grade A meat.

The only form this bean can take

That's not a total loss

Is when it's brewed into

A bottle of good soy sauce.

Patrick Henry – wasn't it? –

Did cry with his last breath:

"Give me meat and taters

and give soybeans quick death!"

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