Before Disney

                RAPUNZEL

                                             by Tim Torkildson.                              

                                           September 15, 2010.

 

 

In the fairy times of old

When sly elves spun straw to gold,

When foul ogres stamped about,

When ev'ryone ate sauerkraut,

Lived a couple soon to be

Blessed with their own wee baby.

He was just a simple clerk –

She had but a single quirk –

Of garden greens she wanted more

Than he could manage to pay for.

Carrots, cukes, and cabbage heads,

Bell peppers in greens and reds,

Lettuce, leeks, and spinach, too –

She yearned for them til she turned blue.

When his purse was hollowed out

His pregnant wife began to pout.

(and when a pregnant woman grieves

You'd better duck beneath the eaves!)

After thinking very hard

He went into his neighbor's yard

To quickly swipe a mess of greens

(and also grab some lima beans.)

But his plan met with a hitch

Because his neighbor was a witch!

Hopewort was her maiden name;

Her temper wasn't very tame.

No beauty contest could she win.

Her teeth were black as mortal sin.

She wore a snakeskin-covered coat.

She smelled just like a mountain goat.

The croaking of her toads in grief

Made known the presence of a thief.

Her eyes lit up like fireflies –

She gave that clerk a big surprise.

"Ho, villain!  You would steal my greens?"

"I think you know just what that means!"

Her grimy claws closed on his arms

As his heart shook with grave alarms.

"Oh, kind Hopewort, spare me please!"

He said upon his bended knees.

"For my wife I did this thing –"

"For the babe she soon will bring."

"What is that to me, you fool?"

She raged while spitting out green drool.

"I'll boil you down to bones and teeth"

"and make your hair my Yuletide wreath!"

Hopewort would have made him fry

Had not the village priest passed by.

"Hark!" he said, "ye vile old crone"

"Leave that poor young man alone!"

Raising up his crucifix

He made her stop her evil tricks.

Abashed, she cowered at the sight

Of that great truth and sacred light.

"Ye godly man, it is the truth –"

"I was but punishing this youth"

"for trespass on my garden fair –"

"He stole my greens without a care!"

The village priest reared back his head.

"Can this be right?" he gravely said.

"To steal another's food is wrong"

"when winters here are harsh and long."

"We barely stay alive until"

"the crocus and the daffodil"

"herald that the sons of men"

"can plant their wheat and corn again."

"You must make amends, my son,"

"to her as well as anyone."

The young man did as he was bade,

But Hopewort was a crafty shade.

She simpered to the village priest:

"All I want – the very least –"

"is next spring I might ask him for"

"a sprig of rampion – nothing more!"

It was agreed that come next spring

The witch could do this very thing . . .

 

And so when buds upon the larch

Announced the start of melting March

A baby girl unto them came –

Rapunzel was her given name.

But once pronounced by that young clerk,

Hopewort showed up with a smirk.

"I've come for rampion" said she:

"Rapunzel now belongs to me!"

(For rampion and rapunzel, are

In meaning equally on par.)

The priest was called, the mayor too,

And lawyers added to the stew.

But nothing could be done, and so

Rapunzel with the witch must go!

Leaving with her infant prize,

Hopewort held them with her eyes.

Raising up a bony fist

She spat at them and then she hissed:

"Tangled in  your fancy words,"

"twittering like stupid birds!"

"How I tire of your drone."

So she turned them all to stone.

 

Hopewort thought the babe would make

A nice addition to spice cake

Or if fried up with some kraut

Could make a meal both rich and stout.

She put her kettle on to boil,

Adding newt and zombie oil,

A pinch of snuff, a tad of ziff,

With rat bones very black and stiff.

But then a whiff of rank brimstone

Gave her to know she was not alone,

And peering at the fireplace

She saw a devil's leering face.

"Wench!" the evil spirit spake,

"This babe's life you shall not take!"

"Let her grow in ease and care"

"and never ever cut her hair."

"For when tis grown to golden length"

"twill give to you amazing strength."

"Your spells will cross the coldest sea"

"and you will be great use to me."

Bowing low, Hopewort replied:

"It shall be done, and woe betide"

"the wight who interferes with me"

"while growing such fine wizardry!"

Thus was sweet Rapunzel spared

And by the witch so strangely cared.

Her golden tresses grew apace,

Surrounding such a lovely face.

She was fed with special care

To stimulate her flaxen hair.

Morning dew, with honeysuckle,

Mixed with bumblebee's sad chuckle.

Siphoned through the single horn

Of a stallion unicorn –

Eaten with a silver spoon,

Served upon a gold doubloon.

As a child so sweet and pure

She wondered where her parents were.

Hopewort told Rapunzel that

Her parents had grown way too fat

And so were sent to lose some weight

And would return some later date.

Rapunzel's hair grew to her feet

And so she asked one day, quite sweet:

"May I cut my hair today"

"for it is getting in the way."

Oh, the witch was in a rage!

She shrieked: "I'll put you in a cage!"

"Don't you touch a single lock!"

"Cease such foolish, childish talk!"

So the witch, that very hour,

Took Rapunzel to a tower,

Locked her in, and with chant drear,

Made the doorway disappear.

Rapunzel's cries of grief and fear

Were mocked by Hopewort loud and clear:

"Take your ease, my pretty one."

"I'll bring you food at setting sun."

"Sit ye down at windowsill"

"and of daydreams you'll have your fill."

"Brush your hair and keep it clean –"

"you've lots of time to primp and preen!"

Poor Rapunzel, all alone –

In her tower of cold stone.

She could see the clouds drift by,

And their freedom made her cry.

But as in all good fairy tales,

 A prince, lost on some winding trails,

Chanced upon the tower, saw

Golden hair that had to draw

An aged crone up to a face

That caused the prince's heart to race.

He waited till the witch departed

And up the tower he was started.

He had learned such daring skills

Climbing up old granite hills.

When he'd reached the windowsill

His racing heart became quite still.

He gently entered and bowed low –

She knew not was he friend or foe?

"Oh strange creature, what are you?"

She asked, her eyes so wide and blue.

"Just a man, a simple prince"

He said, and gave her peppermints.

They talked until the mists of night

Dimmed their ardent, youthful sight.

After just a few caresses

The prince went down Rapunzel's tresses.

He promised to return next day

And take Rapunzel far away.

But too soon did old Hopewort come,

And snorted out "Fee – Fi – Fo – Fum!"

"I smell man; one's been about!"

"I'll fix him, the cursed lout!"

So she perched, like great black bird.

Rapunzel daren't say a word.

Until the prince climbed up to find

An ugly witch who struck him blind.

He stumbled o'er the window well

And straight to earth he roughly fell.

There he lay until the skies

Took pity on his sightless eyes

And sent a gentle mist to rinse

The broken body of the prince.

Holding out his arms ahead

The prince by piety was led

To a church not far away

Where the priests did let him stay.

 

Meanwhile Hopewort worked her skills

To increase poor Rapunzel's ills.

Owls now rested in her hair;

Crickets and a panda bear,

Spiders spun their webs as well

And a basilisk did dwell

In Rapunzel's tarnished locks –

Midges hovered round in flocks.

In her snakeskin coat, the witch

Soon was at a fever pitch –

Rapunzel's hair had made her spells

Stronger than cathedral bells.

Another month or two at most

And devils would become her host!

The countryside began to groan

Underneath this awful crone.

The corn came up as thistledown –

The well water was murky brown –

Apple trees bore prickly pear –

Termites ate the underwear –

Children grew pink piggy tails –

The summer clouds dropped iron nails –

Cats and dogs began to talk –

And poison ivy learned to walk.

 

The prince, once haughty, now did seek

To live in humble service meek.

He pumped the organ bellows so

The priests could chant their orio.

His clothes of silk he gave away

And wore homespun each working day.

One night when he lay in repose

And angel came and touched his nose.

Awake, the prince was given back

His sight, and told he must attack

The wicked hag whose incantations

Gave rise to such great lamentations.

The prince, revived, yet humble still,

Went to the tower on the hill,

Waited till the witch might be

Distracted by some deviltry,

Then climbed up the wall so swift

He pounced on her and she went – PFFT!

She lunged, he feinted – and what do you know?

She wound up on the ground below!

Hopewort called out:  "Have a care!"

"I must have that golden hair!"

The prince obliged her with some shears,

Which caused Rapunzel many tears.

Still, she let him go a-snipping

Til her hair was fairly dripping.

The prince at last did toss it out

And told Hopewort with ringing shout:

"Here's your loot – now get ye gone!"

"Rapunzel's mine this very dawn!"

For lo, the sun was just then peeking

And the birds were twook and tweaking.

Hopewort grabbed the hair with glee

And did a jig infernally.

"Warlocks!  Witches!  Devils!  Sprites!"

"To me you'll bow through endless nights!"

But just then a dark shadow fell

Upon this hag so snug with hell.

Twas her master, much displeased –

A giant claw reached up and seized

Hopewort as a voice of dread

Cried:  "With that hair cut off her head"

"all your power is revoked –"

"you'll keep my furnaces well stoked!"

Hopewort disappeared in flame.

(Good riddance to that bad old dame!)

So all the wicked tricks she'd done

Melted like the snow in sun.

Rapunzel's parents were revived

And all the butterflies survived.

The crops were green, the weather fair,

And no one had bats in their hair.

(The lawyers, though, stayed grainy stone –

Since very few are flesh and bone.)

Are we at the happy ending?

There is no use in pretending

That Rapunzel wasn't bald –

Hot tears down her cheek did scald –

But the prince was not a prig –

He had brought along a wig!

Without her hair they could not leave,

But kind reader do not grieve;

Rapunzel's hair would grow again –

And so they hugged and smooched till then!

 

THE END